wow… i was a hungry boy today…

a yogurt

2 hot dogs

beef ramen

a peanut butter english muffin

4 or 5 glasses of water

and a chips ahoy flirtation… but i was too full

made and consumed in about 10 minutes 

Too much butter

March 30, 2006

As u may kno… i enjoy butter… too much… it's funny now… but we'll see how long that lasts.. although… this has been a staple of my identity for years… (A STAPLE)

anyway… i was about to enjoy some toasted english muffins… but the  butter was too hard from the fridge… so… i nuked it for a sec…. or well… for however many seconds until i forgot about it and heard it sizzling… 

no matter… i just poured it over my toasty treats…

what happened next… was one of those moments that you just KNOW is history as it happens… i immediately thought of retelling and blogging the event…

altho that's pretty much any moment…

never before had I ever HEARD such a sloshing of butter from a food item upon biting… the butter squirted… literally… visably… this was a full sensory experience… I saw the butter spray forth… I heard it gush… I smelled and tasted it of course… and i felt it as it ran down my chin and onto the plate… it all happened in an instant… 

i was horrified

immediately

alone

i shouted:

THAT'S fucking disgusting

let's pause a moment… this is TGH here…"disgusting"? can there be "too much butter?"  i've been known eat sticks for a gas… don't even ask about the baked potatoes…

yes… THIS was disgusting…

I thought immediately of throwing it away… my stomach was already feeling off from even that one juicey bite…

but then I thought….

JELLY!

Like many other legends (sasquatch… Jus Tone… my ability to feel feelings…) "too much butter" simply does not exist.

Has anyone else ever noticed the signs that say "All employees must wash hands / lavese las manos" or whatever in restaurant bathrooms?

What is the function of those signs?

Are they a reminder to employees to wash their hands?

Are they an annoucenment to guests?

Why… whywhywhy…. are they NEVER on the door… near the toilet… or anywhere a reminder should be?

They're ALWAYS on the soap… on the mirror… places where only people ALREADY WASHING THEIR HANDS are going to see them.

What these signs really say to me is: Hey… you there… the one already washing your hands… you seem to care about hygiene… just.. u kno.. fyi… our employees do too… they're clean… they're just like you… everything is fine…

that or:

good job employee… way to remember on your own the right thing to do.. that which is consistent with what is expected of everyone else that works here… way to go…

but what if I was a one time dirtbag scumbag guest and didn't wash my hands? should I always wonder and assume that the employees are all one time dirtbag scumbag(s) like me?

if it's a general announcement to the world… why not put it more prominently up in the bathroom at least… or even… outside the bathroom…. on the front door by the visa logo mayhaps? a big sticker on the faces of the employees.. how about that?

when I step into the french quarter, I'd wear it with pride… I wash my fuckin hands…

but seriously tho… they're like… faux reminder bullshit… they're there to give the impression of a reminder… that's stands a shady announcement when really it accomplishes neither… the opposite in fact… all it says is… "this only reminds people already washing their hands… you're taking a chance here… our employees… they're human… they're rushed… they're stressed… they're forgetful… and you know what? they MIGHT just be making your food with hands caked in pud slime… "

THAT's what they tell me anyway…

Kool Milk

March 28, 2006

I'm currently enjoying glass of chocolate milk….. AND a glass of Kool-Aid… separately…@ the same time.